


The Way Things Are

by FlowerBoyParrish



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gen, Kind of ish very passing self harm, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:50:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowerBoyParrish/pseuds/FlowerBoyParrish
Summary: You pray because it's the last thing you haveYou pray because you're desperateWith your breaking, watery voice you ask God to help you, to save you, to do anything because you can't /do this anymore/ it's too much for one person





	The Way Things Are

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to calm myself down after a breakdown its word vomit

The comforting space that is three walls and a flimsy green shower curtain is where you go when the anxiety is so bad you feel like you're about to throw up or die or maybe both  
Probably both  
You can only take freezing showers because the hot water tank is broken and you can't afford to fix it   
But its okay because the frigid water makes for a good distraction if only for a minute or so   
But then the thoughts all come rushing back to you and you can't choke back the sobs that erupt  
You try to keep them quiet so no one hears even though due to the rushing water from the shower head they probably couldn't anyway   
Your sobs get louder and your tears feel burning hot against your cold skin   
It gets harder to breathe and you know you need to calm down but you just /can't/   
You're hunched over  
Arms wrapped around yourself and your nails are digging into your flesh   
The nauseous feeling returns and you gag but the last thing you need is to have to clean throw up out of the shower after this passes so you choke it down  
Your sobs turn into semi-silent screams   
Some are just screams and some are words that you can't remember as soon as they leave your mouth but you know some of them sounded like "please"  
You pray   
You pray because it's the last thing you have   
You pray because you're desperate   
With your breaking, watery voice you ask God to help you, to save you, to do anything because you can't /do this anymore/ it's too much for one person   
Slowly, you start to calm down   
You finish your shower and maybe you scrub harder than usual to wash the shame off   
You get out   
Dry off  
And wait for the next time


End file.
